LOST

I always avoided her…

after I came here I used to feel all alone. New country, new people, hard work. I hated here…. And I was very angry with everything.. Not just with everyone but with everything… I was angry with my work, angry with the bed I was sleeping in. even angry with the food. i avoided everything.

But I loved the restroom.. No seriously.. That was my private place. I was not monitored there… I used to use restroom to cry a lot…  It turned into a place to miss my family. It’s not like I never got to talk to them.. But I used to miss them even more while talking to them.

Many people around me knew what was happening with me.. They never told me but their eyes used to tell me that they not only knew but had gone through what I was going. but they never told me a word, I was alone in a crowd. and after a week someone showed up.

You know it is said that “greed, anger and lust are the gates of the hell, because they make us blind.” So I was blind. because I was angry. I was frustrated. I avoided those helping hands, I insulted them. But except my rejection she used to bring a new strategy to reach  me. But I never listened to her… I never ate the food she gave me… never listened the song she suggested me. I always ignored her because I always thought that she is trying to be nice to me, to prove that she is stronger than me.. And I was also jealous. you know, because she was happy and I was not.

The situation ran for over a month, until she disappeared, I heard that she has gone, and I was very happy.

And after another month.. You know when I got used to this new place. And became a bit happier than earlier…I missed her. I realized what she was doing.. It was just like when a man finds a diamond on the river bank.. And while throwing other stones on the river to pass the time, unconsciously he also throws that diamond into the river just  to realize that it was a diamond.

but it was too late. I got to know that she returned to her country Mexico because her dad just passed away. That’s how I lost her.

I am sharing this with you because you are behaving the same with Mira. I know how you feel but what you are rejecting is a diamond. don’t get me wrong I was also annoyed and frustrated by her…..  But I am realizing my blindness right now.

I don’t want this to happen to you. Seriously because there is no point on realizing something after you throw that away. the time is now to see… It doesn’t matter how clear your vision gets after you lose something. Because once you throw the diamond, It will go with the flow of the river… To never come back..

 

About the author – Ashish Thapa is a student living in Kathmandu, Nepal.